The following list is a composite of views from women in our groups over the past several years. They invited me into their lives and helped us to answer the question: "What keeps women in abusive relationships?”
• He will threaten to leave me.
• He said he will, “Hunt me down and kill me.”
• He will kidnap the children and disappear.
• He will spread horrible rumors about me.
• I will never be safe; I might as well live with him.
• She will “out” me at work or to my family.
Effects of Abuse:
• Depression.
• Feelings of immobility.
• Can’t face making decisions.
• “I am so used to my life being this way.”
• “I have no real options or choices.”
Roles Culture Forces Upon Women: Guilt
• I will ruin his life if I leave.
• She will lose her job if I report this.
• He will start drinking again.
• I will disappoint my family.
• I have to take care of him.
Economic Dependence
• He has all the money.
• I have never had a good job. How will I care for kids alone?
• Better to be beaten up at home that to be on the street.
• I would rather die than be on welfare.
Subordination
• I am afraid to be on my own. Who will protect me?
• I fear that I will never be in a relationship again.
• He gives me a sense of security.
• I don’t want to be a divorced woman.
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