When Does the Abuse End - My Own Personal Story

In May 1995, I was a thirty-three year old woman who was in the process of getting a divorce. I had been in an abusive situation for nearly eight years. It wasn't only physical; it was mental and verbal as well. During part of this abusive period, I was pregnant. Then, it was really hard to say what I wanted to say about it. It seemed as though I had issues with communicating unless I was angry about something. I was angry about the fact that was going through a divorce when I never thought I would be. I figured that once I got married, I would be so for life. What a laugh!

The beginning.......
I got married in March 1985 at twenty-three years old and the physical abuse started in June or July of that same year. It was slapping, punching, pushing, scratching, and all kinds of things that I never thought I would be going through. I always thought about leaving. I heard everything that people were telling me about my situation but, I would just filter out all information I didn't want to hear. Especially the information when they were telling me to leave. It seemed as though the more people told me to leave, the more I hung on to him. Looking for the good things that I knew was in him. Deep down, I felt that he was a good person but, he had issues that extended from his family. It took me some time to figure it out, but I finally realized that his problems are his problems to deal with. If he wants to better himself he has to want to do so it his own. Also, when you set out to change people, the only person that changes is you. Most time it's not for the best. The thing that woke me up to the kind of situation I was in was the last incident when I was hit in the head with an iron. I thought to myself afterward, what if I had not seen it coming and not put my hands over my head to deflect the blow. That blow could have killed me. However, I'm alive and kicking today, but it still took time for me to leave. I stayed after the incident and was miserable because the relationship continued to go up and down. At times when we argued, I was scared to go into my own house. Several times when I did try to communicate to him, I told him that I felt like I was walking on eggshells in my own house and that wasn't how it should be. That statement as well as others I'd made always went in one ear and out the other.

After the Abuse ......
After finally living that abusive situation, I lived on my own with my son for almost ten years until I finally married again in April 2004. I don't have to walk around like I'm walking on eggshells any more, but every once in a while a "not feeling safe" feeling comes over, but it doesn't last because I won't let it. I will never again allow another man to have that kind of power over me again. If it had not been for my family and a few good friends, I'm not sure if I would have made it through that turmoil. My son had been a witness to a number of these events and to some of the outbursts that he had when he stated that he wanted nothing to do with us when we left. I thank God that my son came out of this in tact because he grew up to be a very well-rounded, responsible, and compassionate young man. My getting us away from that situation gave us both a chance to heal and have a new life.